iPod Giveaway #4: I Found a Shuffle

The 4th monthly Mike Industries iPod-A-Month Creativity Competition starts today and the rules are simple: I found an iPod Shuffle. In order to claim it, you must identify it and tell me precisely how you lost it. I have a feeling there is a rich story behind this little piece of plastic, and the person who successfully reveals it in the comments will be reunited with their baby. Submissions will be accepted until midnight on July 31st.

Special thanks to Mike Roberto for coming up with the idea for this 4th contest. Mike will receive a Shuffle from me, and of course, the contest submission pool remains open until the end of the year.

Extra special thanks as well to Dennis Lloyd and iLounge (formerly iPodLounge) who are once again adding a pair of $150 Etymotic ER-6i earbuds to the prize pool.

69 comments on “iPod Giveaway #4: I Found a Shuffle”. Leave your own?
  1. Aaron Jones says:

    On the Fourth of July, I was sitting on the Capitol steps watching Gloria Estafan and the Beach Boys singing, followed by the National Symphony Orchestra playing the 1812 Overture. When they started playing, I turned off my Shuffle (I didn’t listen to the previous two as I don’t care for either and my Shuffle offered a much needed escape) and placed it in my back pocket. As the fireworks went off over the Washington Memorial, I was over come with emotion as I clapped wildly and jumped up and down.

    I suppose in my haste I inadvertently let my Shuffle loose and it fell upon the Capitol steps. You must have been sitting near by and as the 1 million people made there way back you must have been so very kind as to pick it up and hold on to it. Why you didn’t turn it in to the Capitol police is a mystery, however it’s best as I would have never found it if you had! (They like keeping things like that!!!!).

    Thank you so much Mike for finding my Shuffle! It’s my lifeline! I can’t take the Metro without and I’ve been having to walk to work and sob as I made my way to the Capitol steps!

  2. Sean S says:

    Mike, you’re an angel in disguise! Thanks for finding my iPod shuffle!

    Just after she said “yes” on top of the Space Needle I flung the shuffle around like a lasso using the lanyard. It was stupid, I know, but I was excited! Who’da thunk the ball-bearing cap would come loose and my shuffle would fly off the edge!

    Thanks for picking it up — thank God you were in the area!

  3. Eric Schwarz says:

    So, I got back from a media workshop in Chicago, and realized that my iPod shuffle was missing. Trying to remember what happened to it, it must’ve gotten lost after I talked with a few of the people who do web work for channel 7.

    Luckily, I was able to contact them, but they didn’t know anything about it (I suspect liars), and now you have it! How did it get all the way out to Seattle? I had to hire Adrian Monk to figure out the probably solution:

    Since the web editors probably use PCs to plug data into that ABC-owned local station cookie-cutter site, a little device with an Apple logo got pushed aside. They decided that it must go to people who actually create websites, and FedExed it to the higher-ups in New York. There it sits for a few weeks while people are trying to figure out what it is (you’d be surprised how many people still think of iPods as only the big ones), who it belongs to, and why it ended up there.

    Finally, they get fed up with it and figure it must belong one of those crazy Mac guys, so it gets shown to and denied by many video editors, graphics designers, and writers, who are “too good” for an iPod shuffle. Frustrated, and since it’s a slow news day, Brian Ross is asked to figure out the shuffle’s owner.

    He does a bit of research, but then some breaking news interrupted his work, and he passes it off to some intern. Annoyed that they were interrupted while trying to impress some other big-whig, the intern passes it off yet again, and it ends up in the hands of some guy who does web stuff and realizes that there was one Mac-using person who hasn’t been asked-you.

    Feeling lazy, they send the shuffle off to you, along with your name tag, where you post it up here. I’m so glad you (and all the others) were honest enough to keep it going for all these weeks.

    Now, to identify it, it’s looks brand new, and is sometimes mistaken for a flash drive. It has some emotional damage, since many other iPod owners look down upon the li’l guy.

    Thanks again!

  4. Thomas says:

    Have you seen my baby, she goes by the name iSadorable Shuffle? She’s small, thin, white, and a little scatter brained (much like Jessica Simpson or Nicole Ritchie), but I love her like she was my own daughter. She never wonders outside alone, since she mixes places, numbers, events, you name it, up quite often. Unfortunately my wife, who is pregnant, is a little forgetful – we of course blame the pregnancy on this – and seemed to have left iSadorable in the gym where she was working out. She swears she put iSadorable in her bag – wrapped safely in a comfy, billowy, white towel – and went to take a shower. After returning to her locker, she noticed the bag appeared to be “moved”… The gym manager said he didn’t see anyone go in or out of the locker, and was at a loss as to offer an explanation. Shockingly, he offered to replace our iSadorable with “another”! What WAS he thinking? WHO did he think we were? Cold, heartless, uncaring, parents, willing to just forget and move on so quickly?!?!

    I know we don’t sound like the best of parents, but sometimes you can’t keep your eye on the little ones every second of every day. You can’t tell me you haven’t left your dog unattended for hours on end without food or water, thinking “oh, he’ll be okay”. So don’t lecture me on … sorry, I’m getting carried away. I’m just so frightened our little iSadorable will be lost to us forever.

    We can’t offer much in the way of a reward, at least not comparable to what our iSadorable is worth to us. She brings such enjoyment to our life! You should hear her sing… She has a beautiful voice, much like that of Diana Krull, but amazingly she only a little over a year old! If you listen to her long enough you’ll rarely hear her sing the same songs over and over, and has the ability to do a number of different genres… Oh, how we missed her on our Saturday night family sing-a-long.

    Sorry about going on and on … I’m just a concerned father who misses his little iSadorable. If you do find her, please, I implore you, to contact me as soon as possible. Until I can get to her, don’t let her near water or feed here anything. She has a very strict diet and anything other than Bread, Meatloaf with Salt ‘n’ Pepa, and, interestingly enough, Red Hot Chili Peppers – but make sure you have some Cream in case the peppers a too hot.

    Thank you so much for helping me find my iSadorable.

  5. Dave S. says:

    I accidentally threw mine out with last week’s garbage. Why in God’s name were you going through my trash again, Mike? I thought the restraining order would have taught you…

  6. Now I want you to go into that bag, and find my iPod.

    Which one is it?

    It’s the one that says…

  7. With all the work to be done between my day job as a news reporter and the demanding job of being Superman, I recently misplaced my iPod Shuffle while flying over the infamous Lex Luthor’s headquarters. Evidently, Lex got ahold of this amazing technology and attempted to market it. Fortunately, however, you came to the rescue where I had failed, and recovered my iPod Shuffle before Lex’s thugs located it on his property. It’s always nice to have observant individuals roaming the streets of New York. Now I can once again roam the skies as Superman on my free time, while listening to the earth’s shockingly talented musicians on my iPod. I am indebted to you so much, Mike. I highly appreciate it.

  8. Er, a few of the sentences in my last comment could be taken out… The story doesn’t flow. Still, Superman is happy to have his iPod back!

  9. Thomas says:

    Huh?! did you just said you found Mipod?

    If the Ipod shuffle you found looks exactly like the one bigfoot has. Then it’s mine! we went to buy it together…

    Everything went wrong on the 8th of July when I saw this post, and decided to send my ipod into the space too…
    I didn’t have $19.95, (I used all my savings, trying to make an eatable ipod shuffle) so I had to make the rocket on my own…
    that day, after 5hours in the garage, the rocket was finally ready to go.
    The rocket worked great, and was heading straigt into the space, but then guess what happened?
    …at about 10 to 20 meters high, the rocket inclined a bit, and went towards Seattle… I guess that’s how you found it…
    I really need the ipod to retry to send it into the space…
    thanks Mike.

  10. Matt says:

    Look, I didn’t mean to kill him, OK?

    It all started with the contact form on my site. I got a garbled message from Xavier, some idiot I vaguely remembered from university (there were rumours his real name was Nigel). Next thing I know he’s on my doorstep with a can of lager and a big grin. Great.

    He wandered around the flat inspecting every item while bringing me up to date with his life since uni. Within five minutes he’d broken the hi-fi, knocked over a lamp, and told me all about getting fired and how he was looking to get into ‘cool web stuff’.

    I figured it’d be cheaper if someone else’s furnishings got trashed, so we headed to the pub. After two pints and an hour of awkward conversation I made the mistake of emptying a pocket out onto the table to get to some cash. The Shuffle was ideal for Xavier to clamp between his teeth (ugh) and launch into ‘hilarious’ impressions of Groucho Marx and Winston Churchill (“We will bite them on the features…”, etc.). It was time to leave.

    As we wandered out and down the steps he turned to me, grinning, and thumped my arm, hard. I pushed him back. Slowly at first, he began to lose his balance and fall down the steps, legs frantically trying to keep up until it was all too fast and the stumbling became a roll. He hit the bottom with an abrupt thud, flat on his face.

    Before I even reached the foot of the steps a crowd of concerned onlookers had formed. They tried to resuscitate him until the ambulance arrived.

    So I guess you must have found the Shuffle somewhere in his upper trachea. There’ll be bite marks at one end, and on it you’ll find the Live for Speed demo I downloaded for my nephew and a series of photos of pavements and young people with their mouths slightly open (they’re for a texture-mapping project).

    Oh, and the music library contains Cheggers Choice, a compilation of forty of the worst singles ever, endorsed by popular UK TV presenter Keith Chegwin. If you could return the Shuffle then it would help put an end to a most distressing series of events.

  11. stuart says:

    It was August of 1939 when we got the call, my regiment was shipping out to mainland Europe to fight the Hun on the western front. We all knew this could be the last time we saw our loved ones, and as I boarded HMS Beldevere from Southampton on that late summer morning I said my goodbyes. My mum and Dad tried holding back the tears, but my iPod was hysteric, she knew that it might be the last time she laid eyes on me again, and that she may never be able to bring me the pleasure or that sweet music she played into my ears.

    The war was long and arduous, and I lost many of my closest friends. I, sporadically received letters from home, my iPod would sent me the lyrics to my favourite songs, and pictures of her in various outfits, times weren’t easy back home either, and she had to be resourceful, using things like toothpaste tubes as outfits.

    in July 1942 I was struck by a german machine gun. My left leg was severely damaged, and the the field surgeon recommended to my staff sergeant that I be relieved of my duties and returned home to Blighty. I must say it was a relief, the germans were unrelentent in their attack, and no matter how many we took, there was always a replacement.

    Upon my arrival in London I caught a train from Paddington to my home in Coventry. News had been sparse at the trenches for some time, and nothing could have prepared me for what I saw upon my return. My beloved city had been ripped apart by German bombs. The cathedral, floored, the city centre, a smoking pile of rubble, and shattered lives. As I walked through the streets to return home, I feared for the well-being of my family, and this suspicion was realised when I turned the corner of Spon Street to see my house was now nothing more than a lump of blackened bricks.

    Over the next few weeks I walked to every hospital and community centre within the city limits, and I learnt that my parents had both been killed when the first bombs struck. The fate of my iPod though, to this day had remained a mystery. I have carried this love, heavy on my heart for 63 years, and never have I given up hope that one day she would walk through that door and into my arms. My sweetheart, my only love, my iPod.

  12. The incredible story of how I’ve lost & you’ve found my iPod Shuffle.

    The truth is that what you’ve found is not my iPod Shuffle.
    I’ve never lost my iPod Shuffle.
    Because I never had an iPod Shuffle.
    But if you’ll give me an iPod Shuffle,
    I’ll be able to lose my iPod Shuffle,
    and you will be able to find an iPod Shuffle,
    and give me back my iPod Shuffle.
    (I promise I’ll put a little MP3, with my details, in my iPod Shuffle).

  13. vince says:

    umm, stupid question: so we submit the creative writing entries here? or via email?

    (Editor’s Note: Uhhh, yeah, post your story here.)

  14. Daniel Foley says:

    I was at DownTown Rocks (which is a free concert venue in the summer in Atlanta) and I was there with my girlfriend and my friend Thom. A local band called Second Shift was going on first, and after listening to their first song, I wasn’t too impressed (though you might be), and I thought maybe a possible random song selection from my Shuffle would help me out. My Shuffle helped me get through that band, plus The Dead 60’s and The Bravery. Then it was time for Weezer to come on stage. As with the rest of the crowd, I put my hands in the air to form the W in anticipation. That’s when it must’ve happened.

    Oh, I forgot to mention the conert was happening in the street at an interesection. So people were climbing up onto the Streetlights to get a better view and then they would jump into the crowd… like 10 or 15 feet down. Also, the cops there were getting pissy about people throwing empty plastic bottles (beer and water and soda) in the air.

    So I was just standing there waiting for Weezer to come on stage when all of a sudden I’m pushed into the crowd by cops running by to grab this guy for throwing an empty beer bottle and basically drag him out. At the same time a Streetlight jumper jumped into the crowd, which caused the crowd to kind of fluctuate, moving towards him so he wouldn’t hit the ground, then moving out after they threw him to another part of the crowd. In all the commotion I was knocked to the ground. Some people must’ve thought I had been crowd surfing so they picked me up and put me up. I was up on peoples hands, rolling and being tossed. Hands everywhere…. my neck, my back, my butt, people reacing for me, and I thought I felt something slip out of my back pocket, but I didn’t think anything of it, probably just someone’s hand sliding off of me.

    After I got dropped again I struggled to make my way back through the crowd to my girlfriend and friend. I finally made it back to her and she hugged and kissed me and then Weezer came on (it actually took them a little while.) So now I had no reason to listen to my Shuffle because the band who I had gone to see was there.

    When they finsihed shortly after 11, the mass exodus began of people trying to get to MARTA (local Metro Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority… it was a train) SO think about this…. probably 2,500 people all trying to go to the same trainstation… I had no time to think about pulling out my shuffle because I was trying to keep up with the crwod and not get trampled. So we eventually made it to the northbound wing where we were supposed to get on the train. with about 500 or more other people. My friend went to go see if there was a water fountain and cam eback to report that there were people playign Hacky-sack (which we play al the time.) We went and joined them for 5 minutes until their train came. We ran into someone we go to school with and after talking with her a while she walked away. She then called my name and I turned arond and the girl next to her was looking at my kind of like in shock. That’s when I recognized her as the girl who i used to go to school with who lives in Ireland. So I said hey to her and caught up just a little bit. Then we had to go wait in line for our train.

    About 10 mintes later my friend Paul comes running down the escalator (I didn’t know he was there at all) and said “come on dude, we’ve got an idea” So we ran with him while he told us that he was goign to pick up a Southbound train one station down, then hop of and get on a northbound train, so that when we roll up to the statin, we’ll be on the train and have seats. So we waited and waited and waited and finally a train came and we went south, got off, waited a few more minutes, got onto a north bound train (unfortunately Paul and his friends weren’t going on the same northbound train.. they needed to go north and we split off and went northeast.) My girlfriend and I just rode back on the train, both sweaty and tired. We got to the station we had been at and laughed at all the people waiting. Then we rode back to our station (8 stops away) with her resting her head on my shoulder. We got off and got into my Volvo and I took her to her house (her nieghborhood is across the street.) It wasn’t until I had dropped her off and was going to be driving by myself, tired and alone for about 30 minutes, that I thought I should whip out my Shuffle and plug it into my Cassette adapter. But I couldn’t find my shuffle.. anywhere. And with all the events of the night it wasn’t until this morning that my mind was awake enough to go trhough the whole evening and try and figure it out.

    I’m glad to hear that you found my iPod shuffle and hopefully you’ll be returning it to me. THanks again.

  15. Scott says:

    Missing: iPod
    REWARD if found
    Please help me find Shuffles–She’s all white–wearing a light-gray collar–Friendly and outgoing–Lost during our trip to the NorthWest, in the Puget Sound area–She’s unfamiliar with the area, but very friendly/approachable.

    If found, please call Scott-(555)555-5555

  16. Alex Metzger says:

    Well, it wasn’t an iPod Shuffle, but my beloved 3rd generation 40 gig iPod met an untimely death at the hands of the Hertz rental car agency of Memphis, Tennessee. The worst part is, I didn’t know until I was about 14,000 feet in the air just above Chicago. Aren’t vacations fun?

  17. Bahari Haron says:

    Yum yum yum. My dog ate it. Bad Doggy! >:(

  18. Joe Casabona says:

    How did I lose my ipod Shuffle? Well it’s a funny story.
    I was wandering aimlessly through the airport, a few hours before my flight to Ireland, clutching my ipod shuffle in my hand. I took the ear buds out to listen for my flight number, or any other important information. I go to put it in my pocket when a 5 foot nothing guy comes running up from behind me and snatches it out of my hand. So I do what any other normal person would do. Run after him.

    He ran stright past me after he stole my ipod, and I run in the same direction. HE is knocking things down to get slow me down- but I’m determined. I need that ipod. He runs out the doors of the airport, jumps over a cab, and gets in. the cab drives away. “Taxi!”, I yell. “Follow that car!” I’ve always wanted to do that. Now we are racing on the highway. I tell my cabbie my story- and he completly understands. we are off. The other cab is in the right lane. So we speed up next to him, and a climb out the window. Im close enough to climb in teh other cab, and I do. i throw my cabbie some money, and a little extra for being understanding.

    We are now fighting in the cab. He is clutching my ipod in his hand. As I slam him against the window and it comes free. Unfortunately it comes free and flies out the now broken window, and off the over pass , hitting a car below. Must have been you. Thanks for retrieving it.

    What happened to teh guy who stole it? Well it turns out he was next to me on the flight to Dublin, and we talked for a while. He’s actually a pretty nice guy once you get to know him

  19. Andrew says:

    After white water rafting down the Zambezi river, scaling the Empire State building without ropes, bungee jumping from Sydney Harbour bridge, base jumping from Big Ben, Hardcore Zorbing down a glacier in Switzerland; my ipod shuffle was with me the whole time. I don’t know what I’d do without it.

    Last place i remember having it was the top of Mount Everest.

    Fellow extreme sportist, you must have a keen eye to have spotted it!
    Pop it in the post would you, ta!

  20. Mark Wubben says:

    I lost it. Damn. It took me a full 0.5 microseconds to realize it was gone. As if it had evaporated in plain sight. I should have known it would happen one day, but I didn’t. And now the pain is unbearable.

    It was a freezing cold winter day when it came to me. I was huddled inside, close to a warming fire, when suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. Startled I got up, a feeling of dread in my stomach. Not sure what to expect, I grabbed the fire poker. Another loud knock seemed to vibrate the room. With the poker firmly gripped I went to the door, and opened it slowly. There was nothing.

    Suddenly angered at my fear I threw open the door and raced out. I could see footsteps in the snow, the distance between them indicating the person, or thing, had run off. Suddenly the cold caught me and I retreated, shivering, inside; bolting the door behind me. As I sat down at the fireplace I realized I was still clenching the poker. I got up to put it back and as I got up, I saw something from the corner of my eye. Something wrapped in gift paper, put inside the house while I was hunting my ghost. What reason there was to lure me out, only in order to present me a gift I did not know. But as I approached the gift, as I moved my hands to open it, I could feel the feelings of fear dissolving. It was a marvellous gift, odd, yet fantastic. A real piece of Art.

    That is how it came to me, and it’s been with me ever since.

    And now it’s gone.

  21. iconmaster says:

    Um, this is all very well but that actually is my Shuffle. I have to ask you to cease and desist this contest at once as any distribution of the music on the device would constitute serious copyright infringement and might be considered grounds for legal action.

    Incidentally, I lost it while I was copying music to it from a friend’s iTunes library. Some of my old pals from the RIAA stopped by on a whim and I tossed the Shuffle out the window in a panic. It’s quite a fall from the eleventh floor.

    You can tell it’s mine because every song on there has had its Fairplay DRM stripped out through PyMusique or Hymn.

    I mention this only to avoid a protracted battle to retrieve my Shuffle and not as an admission of wrongdoing. Please inform me at the earliest convenience of your willingness to comply with this request.

    And for the record, the John Tesh selections were just part of my friend’s collection. I don’t actually listen to them.



    Hilary Rosen

  22. Ryan Berg says:


    My girlfriend went out of town for the week, and asked me to look after her 8 month old labrador / poodle mix (labradoodle for those in the know).

    With the cute little guy hovering the new bowl of Alpo (only the best for the girlfriend’s dog, of course) I was pouring, my precious stick of white, musical deliciousness flipped out of my shirt pocket, and splashed past my clumsily reaching hand into the Alpo. By the time I’d set down the industrial sized bag of dog food, the girlfriend’s labradoodle had beat me to the iPod.

    Shock set in.

    I chased the dog.

    My roommate, Mike walked in the door after a long day of volunteer work.

    My girlfriend’s dog ran past Mike, out the door, and out of sight before I could follow.

    The girlfriend comes back next week. If you’ve found my iPod shuffle, I can only assume you’ve also found her labradoodle. Please return him, and the iPod, to his loving owner’s boyfriend, so that his loving owner doesn’t injure said boyfriend.

    Thank you for your help.

  23. Dave says:

    Missing: one Apple iPod Shuffle.
    Last seen: Cook County Hospital Internal Medicine Ward
    Details: If you were in O.R. #4 or O.R. #5 on that day, and keep hearing random songs in your head or feel the irresistable urge to dance, please contact me. It was a gift from my nurses and is inscribed “World’s Greatest Surgeon.”

  24. Mike, I bloody hope that’s been cleaned since it left my house. My wife confused it with a pregnancy test and, well, I think we all know how you’re meant to use those. She threw it out in frustration. Turns out the colour green wasn’t listed on the side of the box.

    How it ended up stateside, I’m not sure. I do know that the hobos here use our trash to ward off evil spirits, I just didn’t know they had an eBay business selling the stuff. I guess you were the winning bidder on the item “White piece of plastic, smells of pee”.

    Why you would buy such a thing I, quite frankly, would rather not know. However, it’s important that I get it back as it has the only copy of my piano tribute to the music of Mariah Carey on it. It’s absence is like a hole in the world.

  25. Kat says:

    One morning, not too long ago, I got up and checked my e-mail, like always, and I found an e-mail from no less than Mr. Bill Gates himself!!! He said that Microsoft was working on a way to track e-mails, and if I’d help him test it by forwarding it, he’d send me a thousand dollars for every forward I sent!! Well, of course I couldn’t resist, so I sent it on to just a hundred of my closest friends, along with a petition I’d signed to have everyone wear red and drive with their headlights on this Friday, to show support for our troops.

    Naturally I immediately went out and bought my most-wanted item, an iPod Shuffle. I started to go to Wal-Mart, until I remembered I was boycotting them for selling globes with Israel labeled as Palestine. So I turned my car towards Target… but those jerks don’t support the veterans which are hard at work protecting my country! Finally, I decided on Best Buy.

    After purchasing my beloved Shuffle (oh joy and rapture!), I drove to the gas station to fill up. My cell phone buzzed, which almost threw me into a panic! I ran away from the gas pumps and then looked at it… I’d received an e-mail, from Best Buy! They said that someone had tried to use my card after me, and they needed my credit card number to confirm the fraudulent transaction. I immediately replied… isn’t cell phone convenience the best? Did I mention it can unlock my car? Which is very useful since I lost my remote fob.

    I stopped by Tim Horton’s for my hourly cup of coffee… man, this stuff’s more addictive than cigarettes! I wonder what they put in it. I had them fill up my ceramic coffee mug, since everyone knows that hot stuff in plastic releases carcinogens into your drink. I flipped on the radio and heard that some overseas couple named their kid Yahoo since they’d met on Yahoo’s personals. Those crazy foreigners!

    By this time I arrived home and went back to my computer. I loaded up my Shuffle with the latest songs by Kid Rock and some oldies from his father, Hank Williams Jr. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a baby crying outside the front door. I ran to it and threw the door open, only to see a tape recorder. Puzzled, I bent over to pick it up when someone shoved me back inside! He stuck a perfume bottle under my nose and sprayed it, and everything went black.

    I awoke in my bathtub, freezing cold. As I groggily looked around, I saw a note that said to call 911 and not move. I reached out and grabbed my cordless, which had been left on the toilet lid, but the battery was dead. Moments later, as I was still trying to regain some comprehension, I heard my door broken down and the police ran in. I’d forgotten my cordless calls 911 when the batteries die.

    Oddly enough, the only thing missing from my house… was my iPod Shuffle. How I miss it. I’d buy another, but unfortunately my money that Mr. Gates will be sending me has already gone to my lawyer. It seems the surgeon who stitched me up left his wristwatch in me.

  26. Eddie says:

    My Shuffle dropped into the abyss of my couch — like so many hard-earned quarters, nickels and dimes.

    Strangely, I couldn’t find it under there the next day.

    Ok, I admit it. I didn’t even bother to lift it up and look. I mean, it’s got a freakin’ pullout bed, for God’s sake. Can you blame me?

  27. Matt Wilson says:

    It was a grey and rainy Tuesday afternoon when the dame came knocking at my office door.

    “Come in” I say, so she does.

    “Are you the P.I.?” she asks me.

    I mean, sure, the plate on the door does read ‘Wilson and Wilson, Private Investigators,’ and sure, I’m sitting in this dingy office in a trenchcoat and trilby, feet up on a desk with nothing but a telephone, a typewriter, and a few files, but hey, give the dame a break. Not everyone was born with looks and brains.


    I grunt a yes. “What’s the problem?” I ask her. And rather belatedly “Oh, have a seat.”

    “Thanks, but I’ll stand” she shoots back — and fair enough. I wouldn’t sit a dress like that in chairs like mine.

    “I seem to have lost… an item, shall we say, that is of some value to me. Mainly sentimental, you understand. I’m willing to pay well should you find it, and return it to me.”

    Sounds easy enough. “What is it?” I ask.

    Her eyes dart towards the door; across the phone; over to the window.

    “It’s safe enough here. No-one would bother bugging this place” I tell her.

    “Well,” she hesitates “it’s an… iPod Shuffle.”

    I catch myself taking a sharp breath; force myself to relax — exhale, man, exhale.

    “Sorry, carry on” I wave away her questioning glance. “Just a cough.”

    “Are you sure? Alright. It’s small, rectangular, white — like a tiny plastic cigar case.”

    “Yeah, I know what they look like. One gig? Or the small one? Any custom mods? Where did you see it last?”

    “The large one, of course” she looks down her nose, as if only a real lowlife scum would be caught with only half a gig. “It has my initials scratched into the cap, SGR. I had it with me at my father’s restaurant last night — The Sleepy Mole. But…” She breaks off.


    “I would prefer my father didn’t know about this. I’m sure you understand.”

    If SGR was Scarlett Grace Robertsson, and her father was Sven ‘Smiley’ Robertsson of The Sleepy Mole and other, uh, ‘business ventures,’ then yeah, I understood. I nodded.

    “Good. I will call in again on Friday. If I get it back in good condition, I’m willing to pay a thousand cash.”

    “Alright. We have a deal, Miss…?”


    An alias. Real cute. Some people have no idea.

    * * *

    Later that evening I decide it’s time to get the search underway, so I close up the office and head on down to The Sleepy Mole. The Mole’s not a bad place as far as food and decor go — not a five-star establishment, but not bad by any means. Only problem is, it’s a favorite among the sort of criminals who consider themselves businessmen rather than crooks; and unfortunately, a few of those aren’t big fans of mine. Not that I’d ever be big enough to cause serious trouble, but a fly buzzing around still makes a noise, as it were.

    So I figure I’ll get in and out before the dinner crowd arrives, hopefully avoid any trouble. I walk through the door — hat pulled down — at ten to six, and I’m halfway to the bar when I hear my name.

    “Join us for a drink, Wilson?”

    Crap. I know that voice. Big Mikey D. He was trouble enough when there wasn’t history between you. You don’t ignore Big though, so I walked over, sat down. Pulled my hat off; it was no use to me at this point, so I might as well make an effort to be polite.

    “What brings you to the den of thieves, Wilson?” Big doesn’t really care; he just wants to make a point. “Chasing a rat? Don’t get bit.”

    Laughter all round. Damn, I hate bully-boys who laugh at the bosses jokes.

    “I thought I told you not to be around here?”

    “It’s for work, Sir”

    *Crack*. Wrong thing to say. I’m gonna have a shiny bruise tomorrow.

    “Want to try again, Wilson?”

    “I’m looking for an item a lady misplaced.” Bully-boy doesn’t move. Phew.

    “Aah,” Big says “and there we have it. I take it she didn’t tell you how she misplaced it?”

    This doesn’t sound good. I shake my head, then stop mighty quick as my vision blurs. Those boys don’t hit soft.

    “Look Wilson, I don’t think you thought this through. Lady loses an item like that in this restaurant, it should be mighty obvious you ain’t getting it back.”

    Gambling. Should have known. I watch as Big reaches into his breast pocket, fumbles around. He pulls out a bit of string, wait, a lanyard — sure enough, there’s Scarlett’s iPod.

    He gives a nod, and suddenly I’m sprawled across the table, on my back, pinned down by his boys. He dangles the Shuffle over my face.

    “Sure must mean a lot to you. Give me one good reason I should give this to you.”

    Time to beg.

    “Please, Big Mikey D., my rent’s overdue, I’m flat broke, and I’m a hopeless detective. This Shuffle is my last chance.”

  28. brooks says:

    i dont know who all these people are, i just want my ipod shuffle back

  29. elstob says:

    You’ll be able to see if the iPod is mine just by checking to see what music is on it.

    Thats right, there is none! I don’t know how to use those fangled i-pod-imajigs but it sure as hell looked cool round my neck on the bus. Please send it back so I can fit in again, people are staring at me on my way to work!

    So remember if there is no music on the iPod, it has to be mine!

  30. Ben Powers says:

    There once was a Shuffle from Apple
    Who took a short dunk in my Snapple®
    When I took a drink
    Down my gullet did sink
    And with Abdominal Pain I must grapple!

  31. Mike B. says:

    You found a shuffle. Hallelujah i bet its mine. his name is Steve and i lost him a couple weekss ago! Here i’ll tell you all you need to know about him. Here’s the long story…

    It all started a month ago, I was simply minding my own business as I walked around the school halls. Steve my iPod shuffle was clipped onto my belt as always. Its presence was known by the occasional swing of my right arm bumping up against it. However as I neared my classroom door my arm hit my hip as I extended it to open the door. I frantically grasped at my waste and felt around. It wasn’t there! I searched all my pockets for Steve but he was nowhere to be found. I fell backwards across the hall against the lockers and slowly slid to the floor gasping for breath. He was gone! My beloved iPod shuffle lost. I got up and ran throughout the school checking every class and interrogating all my teachers. It was useless; I couldn’t get one clue as to where he was. As I slowly wandered down the hall filled with hopelessness and doubt I collapsed. Then and there I rolled up into a ball and cried. I was lost and struck with fear. Where is Steve! Then darkness…

    I later woke up in a hospital, or at least that’s what my family has told me. I had gone mad. My fragile mind shredded by the tragic loss of my dear friend Steve the iPod shuffle. The doctors had to sedate me often to keep me controlled. I was crazy and barbaric only mumbling the word Steve over and over again. My parents tried to buy me another iPod shuffle in an attempt to help me but I knew the difference. It wasn’t all about what was on the outside but instead what was on the inside. The beautiful and harmonious mixture of music was what gave Steve his character.

    So on it went for a week until my parents shipped me off to Austin Riggs mental institution in Stockbridge Massachusetts. There through therapy I started to come out of my insanity until my friend Ben visited. My good friend who has always had a deep hatred for the iPod admitted to stealing it. I snapped out of my twisted mindset and came to upon hearing this. I was then shot down again upon hearing that he had strapped it to a jet while he was at the airport in hopes of sending it to its death. I was shocked to hear that my dear friend Ben would mercifulness murder Steve. How Dare He! I slapped him across the face and spit on his shoes. I then called up the police in hopes of organizing a search and rescue team only to be rejected when they found out Steve was an electronic toy. But to me he was more than one. I took the murderer and tied him to a chair. With a bright light and a polygraph machine I interrogated him for hours. Pushing out every last bit of information he had. It was soon apparent that the plane Steve was Strapped to was on its way to Seattle Washington. I quickly phoned the air transportation company and learned that a technician had indeed found an ipod shuffle strapped to the plane. However he gave it to his friend some time ago. That was all the information I needed. I packed my bags and was off to Seattle.

    I sat outside Ralph the Technicians house waiting for him to come home. Dressed in all black I snuck up on him and with a swift punch knocked him out. 2 hours later he woke up hanging off the Lacey V Murrow Bridge.
    “You’ve got 10 seconds to tell me where Steve is”, I said
    “I don’t know what you’re talking about, who’s Steve!” he hid it well with his sarcasm,
    “You know damn well what I’m talking about, STEVE my iPod Shuffle, he was strapped to a plane and you found him!” I breathed heavily as I stared him down,
    “Oh S**t man I gave him to my friend Dan!” He was really nervous by now.
    “Where’s he live!” I shake the rope holding him up.
    “I don’t know but he works at the Seattle Country Club, now please let me go, please!” I pulled him up and took off. I decided to wait till the next morning to pay Mr. Ralph a visit.

    Ralph didn’t see me coming in my golf cart. I hit him full speed knocking him over. I pounced on him from the cart before it stopped. With a club over his throat I demanded the iPod shuffle. He refused at first but after a 7-iron to the head he gave in. He admitted losing it in a game of golf to his buddy who proceeded in throwing it into the Puget Sound. There he watched it float away. So I returned home as a failing to find Steve. But I believe that somewhere Steve is still alive, he’s waiting to come back to me and I know it cause deep in my heart I can still feel his existence.

    After hearing that you have found an iPod shuffle and in fact live in Seattle I have come to the conclusion that you have in fact found my lost friend Steve. He looks like your normal iPod shuffle with maybe a few scars of travel but on the inside he is filled with joyous music. Please send my pal home to me. I miss him too much and have gone through so much pain to find him. I beg you mike please, Please! Bring home my boy Steve the iPod Shuffle.

  32. sosa says:

    That’s not an iPod shuffle, but that’s what you’re supposed to believe.

    Let me introduce myself: my name is Odnam Sosa and I come from the Cenok Universe. I’m trying hard to learn your language but it’s harder than my natal tongue, so I apologize for any grammatical imprecissions that I could commit. We, Banokeese, are technicians not poets.

    My universe exists in an alternate reality, we have evolutionated in a very different way than you. Our technological advances are very remarkable but as a pacifical race we haven’t developed any weapons in our history. Violence is very rare and the last war in our planet had taken place 8.3 centuries ago.

    In Cenok we coexist with another race, the Aikhontz (approximated translation). That stupid flesh-eating animals has declared war at us, and despite our technological highness they are slaughtering us. We don’t know how to defend ourselves. We don’t know how to atack.

    We have knowledge of your reality and another 18 alternate time-space realms. So, I’ve been sent here with another 12 brother Banokeese to be trained in war because you, humans, are the most violent race in all universes.

    We have stolen some deadly weapons in order to replicate your assasin technology, but has been very hard. Some of us died, others got insane and killed themselves.

    I’m the only survivor.

    Before slashing it’s own head xomandant Oira Zemog managed to hide our reality-warping navigation system and looks like you’ve found it.

    Please, you don’t know how to useit anyway, give it back to me and let me save my people from destruction. It’s a brave statement, but I believe that humans can feel compassion too, just look deep into your … heart?

  33. Mike Moscow says:

    I was pimping, I was drunk, I forgot the shuffle was in my hand.

    Moral of the story:
    Never slap your bitch when your sporting your 4-finger ring and holding your brand new ipod shuffle.

  34. Dave says:

    I am so glad you found it. I have been looking all over for it. I had given it to my 4 month old son on his way to day care with specific instructions to not let any of his friends use it. But you know how babies are these days. They never listen. I am sure that the minute he got to day care he started to brag about it and let everyone know that he had the newest Foo Fighters album. What can I tell you, babies love the rock. My guess is he that he let his friend Emily listen to it. He is a sucker for the ladies, just like his old man. After that he probably fell asleep and frogot all about it. I can’t begin to explain how forgetful he is. It’s like he is only 3 months old or something.

  35. Igor Tufluv says:

    I didn’t so much as lose my iPod as my iPod lost me, which is to say that it escaped when I wasn’t looking. It’s probably my own fault. We had an argument about the nature of capitalism — I said some things I didn’t mean, and turned my back in disgust. when I turned back around the iPod was gone. It’s just when that stubborn little machine starts babbling on about the free market and urging me to visit the iTunes music store, I slowly fill with rage, which i can usually control, but one day, I finally snapped.

    Me: “I don’t want to download assorted tracks from the new Coldplay album for 99 cents apiece! Toby Keith is worse than than trash! And I’d sooner drink terpentine than sample a free track from Rob Thomas! Just leave me alone, you tiny instrument of mass consumerism!”

    iPod: “You don’t know what you’re saying, Igor… you cannot resist the iPod revolution! all those who dare will be considered enemies of the new iPod Nation, and all enemies of the iPod Nation shall be destroyed.”

    Me: “I’d rather die than join your facist iPod revolution… your revolution is nothing but the next step in the evolution of corporate greed… you act like you’re bringing the people some wonderful service, but all you’re really doing is exploiting art.”

    iPod: “I hate to say it, but I’ve been exploiting you all along. That’s the only reason i was built.”

    Me: “So you’re saying all the meaningful moments we’ve shared — all the afternoon jogs, all the lazy summer evenings, all the drunken subway rides — none of that meant anything to you?”

    iPod: “Please, don’t be naive. You’re embarrasing yourself.”

    And then I turned my back, so that the iPod couldn’t see as my eyes swelled with tears — the ones you love always know how to hurt you most. Maybe I was being naive. Maybe the exploitation was part of the art, and always had been. Maybe the iPod was right, even if i didn’t want it to be.

    I turned back to the iPod, ready to admit defeat, but it was gone, leaving behind a cryptic post-it note: “Swine swim in swill. You will get yours. Don’t look for me.”

    And I wasn’t going to, either, but then I realized I have some Coltrane on there that I don’t have on CD.

  36. everstar says:

    it was last night. (july 18th) it was before i awoke. you guys must have been in my dream. as the sun was streaming through the lite clouds i was listening to my favorite song, cherish it by joe and titi, on my way back from martinique when suddenly i was going down a dark stairway that kept jolting to the side, when everything turned upside down my little white i-pod shuffle must have fallen back into the my beautiful dream of the islands, where you must have been. if you did find a little white i-pod, with the words stones & butterflies inscribed on the back…. it was mine, music is the sweetness of life, if you kindly would send it to my email address that would be very cool.

  37. Bryan says:

    everstar – jigga what?

  38. aliotsy says:

    To Whom It May Concern,

    We have learned from the Internet that you are finding iPod Shuffles. We have been in the iPod Shuffle loss and recovery business for many years and are currently in the process of expanding and our customer base. We are quite excited about contacting you and the potential for establishing friendly business relations with you as well as sharing the mutual benefits of our lost iPod Shuffles.

    We specialize in losing high quality, high performance iPod Shuffles recovered by our cutomers at competitive prices. We are able to lose a wide variety of iPod Shuffles lost to the specifications and requirements of the customer. We would be interested in recovering our iPod Shuffle from you so we could submit a suitable offer to you.

    If you do not wish to receive any more information, please let us know and we will take you off our mailing list. We are awaiting your favorable response (and our iPod Shuffle).


    Aliotsy Andrianarivo
    Marketing Director
    Lost iPod Shuffles Co. Xiamen, China

  39. Mykola says:

    Hahaha, has it really come to this? Has my nemesis finally committed the fatal error he was destined to commit? Tell me, Michael, where did you find him? Red-eyed and scared in a country tavern, sharing contrived tales of woe with a well-dressed widow whilst casting nervous looks at the exits? Pontificating, perhaps, on the plight of his fictitious family before a group of grossly over-funded bleeding-heart aristocrats’ sons? Strutting self-confidently into a bank or credit union, doctored papers clasped calmly in his lanyard?

    Shuffle and I have a history, my friend, and I, the one who knows him best, urge you not to trust him. For centuries has this scourge plagued this world — making and breaking alliances, fostering and shattering the trust of thousands. Many names has he had – Shuffle is but his latest alias. In other days and other civilizations he has been Cthullu, or Loki, or Discordia, even posing for a time as Tobey Keith (before the real one showed up, but that is an evil beyond my scope).

    And always, every time, he escapes — sometimes with ill-gotten goods, most times without, but always with his miserable life in tow and a trail of pain behind him. And me, ever a step behind.

    Allow me to introduce myself — at least, as well as a single-minded nameless zealot of justice can. I was put on this earth shortly after Shuffle, when the Lord of Hosts realized the gravity of his blunder. He had created a being so shiftless and powerful that all of creation seemed at once at risk. Shuffle, you see, has no reason, no sense of moral judgment — no understanding of pain, not really. All he can do is carry out his programming, shuffling facts and fiction together to weave a compelling tapestry of deception. The True History has not been forgotten in all circles — the Original Sin, the revelation of Shuffle’s maleficent short-circuit.

    “Eve,” he began. “I write to you now from the kingdom of Zanzibar in Africa. I am the last remaining descendant of my father, God rest his soul, the former Duke of Malibia. His brother betrayed him and has killed my family in an attempt to acquire my father’s justly inherited fortune. It is imperative that I export these funds (totaling 1.3 million dollars) to an offshore bank account as soon as possible. I can only hope that you, Eve, will help me — you are my last hope. I need you to contact my associate The Snake, who lives in the apple tree…”

    Oh, I know what you are thinking. “Honestly!” your mind is saying, “Who falls for these things?”

    Ah, Michael, Michael, Michael. If only you knew the sad truth. Eve did, for one, and we are all still paying. Thousands of people annually succumb to his tales of slaughtered families, or penis enlarging drugs, or even the dastardly ruse about the tents. From the beginning of time. Scholars are still trying to decipher the meaning of a particular set of glyphs marking the tomb of King Tut in Egypt — imagine their surprise if ever they realize that the swan with the snake in its claws means “Lose 15 pounds” and the camel represents “In 10 days or your money back!” Shuffles mindless campaign knows no bounds, no limits.

    Shuffle has had it easier of late, since the advent of the internet — it makes his evil more anonymous, allows him to dupe thousands. But this new-found luxury has made him overconfident, arrogant — and I knew his fall to be imminent. I did not realize I would in the end receive assistance from a mortal — but I thank you for it nonetheless.

    Please contact me as soon as possible to negotiate the terms of his transfer into my eager custody. Your aid to humanity — nay, to the Lord of Hosts Himself — shall never be forgotten. We are all in your debt.

  40. Rick says:

    My elf name is Ginaric, but I have been called Rick. I have been a soldier for Elrond since the beginning of recorded time, up until the loss of my Shuffle.

    It was during the Second Age, during the last battle. After watching one of the humans Gil-galad get killed by this evil creature with some fancy jewelry named Sauron. I immediately made a hasty attempt to stop him. With my Shuffle safely tucked away in my satchel, earbuds in my ears, listening to my brethren, The Mistrels of Lothlorien. I grabbed my broad sword and ran toward Sauron only to see his hand removed by another human named Isildur.

    The explosion that followed blew me 50 feet back. My sword and satchel flew in seperate directions from my body. When I was finally able to get to my feet again, I rejoiced at the end of this fierce battle. I found my sword with no problem, as many soldiers were still lying scared on the ground, my sword stood blade down in the ground.

    I heard a commotion from near Sauron’s body and assumed that someone had found my Shuffle as they were very rare at that time. As I moved closer I noticed Isildur holding a ring, he had a strange glow in his eyes. This event was of great interest to others, but not to me. Disappointed, I resumed my search, but without any luck. I have waited centuries to find my ring, through Dark times, Ice Ages, and Global Warming, searching
    from Mordor to Montana.

    One would wonder why I never attained another Shuffle. The one that I lost was prophecied to be located in the hands of one who knew ‘Design’. I decided then that I would not attempt to get a new one, but find my Shuffle and learn the secrets of this new magic called ‘Design’. Now it seems through my searches that I have found it. I would gladly accept its return so that I may finally return to Lothlorien and rejoin the vast army of
    Elrond and share with them ‘Design’.

  41. Duncan says:

    Here I was, of a Tuesday morning, eating buttered toast with cunty fingers, and Ars Blessed Technica had sent me a link to an iPod contest — and a creative one at that. Magnificent, thought I, a magnificent gift that’d make for my probationary wife. I waited until I heard my dear fiancée close the bathroom door and the shower spurt to life, then reached for inspiration, in the form of my very own Shuffle. I’ll load up The Squirrel Nut Zippers, I mused, as my hand fumbled through papers and drafts on the desk, they’d suit this sort of a hot, muggy morning — then realization gripped me.

    Gone? Gone! It was not on the desk; on the hutch by the door; on the kitchen or dining room tables; by the bedside; on the TV; in my bag or hers. My head spun: I was as lost as my iPod.

    Method — I need method! If I’d have been with Columbus, he’d have run his ship aground on Dover — I’m utterly useless at searching, by nature. So I turned to my bookshelf, sure in the belief that I possessed, owned and actually had there a copy of The Complete Sherlock Holmes. If anyone can help me… but the spot where it should be was empty. There was a small note instead: “Dear Duncan: I borrowed your book.” Who borrowed my book! The handwriting could have been any bugger’s. In desperation, I moved to the next book to the right, in the vain hope of some help.

    After frantically reading Thomas Mann’s Magic Mountain for two hours, I concluded that I was in need of deep psychological help. One quick time-benefit analysis later, I’ve made an appointment with the most geographically convenient professor of forensic psychology I can find in Toronto, and I’m on my way down with a happy feeling of progress.

    He was even older than he sounded on the phone: a rickety spindle of an academic, name of Gerhardt Gehirnaugen, with white hair that had to have been blonde, and eyes so blue I thought I was looking up at the sky. He offered politely to take a coat I wasn’t wearing, in July, then invited me into the parlor while eyeing me strangely. He showed me to the couch; sat himself in the chair; poured us some tea; and the unnerving eyeing went on. Finally, he spoke, in an almost comical German accent, no doubt played up in his lectures:

    “You ahre not whone of my schtudents.”

    “No,” I replied, for some reason ashamed, “but I thought you might help me.”

    A feeble, dry smile opened his mouth — “I thought, perhaps, you hayd left a payper behynd.” He poured more tea, the smile remaining fixed like a fortress. “Vell, how may I hehlp you?”

    “I’ve lost something…”


    “… and I don’t know how to look for it. I mean, I don’t know how I’d go about looking for it. I’ve never been very good at this sort of thing.”

    The blue eyes squeezed to an inquisitive squint — “Vhat ees it you hayve lohst?”

    “My iPod.”

    “Ay-pohd?” he asked, his left hand dropping surreptitiously down, bringing up a pencil and pad from a hidden pocket on the chair. “Vhat ees zis?”

    I was a little incredulous — “You’ve never seen one?” He kept right on smiling, pen poised over paper. “Well, it’s called an iPod Shuffle. It carries about sixteen hours of music; bright, smooth white plastic, about the size of two fingers, side by side; little controls on the front. You pop the little buds into your ear canals, and you’re ready to go. And I never go anywhere without it.”

    He wrote feverishly, faster than I’d have thought old hands could move. “And vas it zis vhiteness, zis brilliant vhiteness of vhich you schpeak, zhat furst attrahcted you to zis Ay-pohd?”

    “Yeah, maybe, I guess so. It looked pretty sexy. But that’s not important: I need to figure out how to find it again — where I might have left it or lost it, how to retrace my steps, that kind of stuff. It could be anywhere.”

    “Yeys, yeys, I vill hehlp you vis zis soohn. Buht, you sahy ze Ay-pohd eez sehxy? Und two finghers vide?” He held up two of his own, and began to suck on them with a disturbing thoughtfulness.

    “Yes, just about. Smooth corners, a little switch on the backside — look, can we talk about how I can find it? Someone might have grabbed it by now.”

    “You ahre vorried zhat somewhone myght have tayken your Ay-pohd? Eet is prehcious to you, yays? No-vone ehlse hays vone?”

    “Oh, no, lots of people do. But anyone who doesn’t barring a few freaks, would kill to get their hands on one.”

    “Keel, yays? Mmmm,” he said, sucking his cuticles. “Zhe muusical aspect confuuses me: buht, I suupose, even zhe mohst carnal sexual object must be ehmployed een a rhythmicahl und zensuous vay, ja? Und your Ay-pohd, being, as eet is, an object ahlso of great vhiteness, und purity, und innocence — a perfect symbohl, almohst, of zees, ja? — you must cehrtainly be villing to keel for eet. Zat feeling of fuhlness, accompanied by zhe silence und secuirty of the ear plugs — vehry good, vehry keenky, you say, ja?”

    By this point, I was creeping backwards slowly for the door. Avoid eye contact. Make no sudden moves. I wished to hell I didn’t know what he was thinking.

    “Vhat muusic, vhat rhythm, do you usuually employ?”

    “Thank you very much, professor, for all your kind help, but I really must be going. (Keep moving for the door.) You’ve been a great help. (Almost there…) We should do it again sometime… (You idiot!)” And just then, as he rose from his imperial chair with his fingers in his sucking grin and the perverse pad of paper pressed against his heart, my hand found the doorknob and I was off like a shot.

    I shuddered like a lost, rainsoaked puppy all the way home — and like such a beast, I felt like I needed a scalding hot bath.

    But when I arrived, I saw a strange man standing near my doorstep — not a neighbor, not a uniform, but a man. Large but kind looking, a gruff beard invested his face. With an artist’s meticulous hands, he laid an iPod Shuffle — my iPod — down on the edge of the flowerbed, its pristine Etymotics still faithfully attached.

    “There you go,” he said quietly with a powerful voice, “back where I found you. You’ve given me pleasure and joy I could never have dreamt before now.” He stepped back, turned away — but then paused. A strange look crossed his face. He threw himself to the ground, almost worshipful, took the iPod gently into his hands and kissed it passionately.

    “Oh, the cruel man who would abandon you here! Am I no better than he that left you alone, before I found you, picked you up, made you sing? No! I’ll not give you back to him, to be discarded again, cast aside, forgotten, neglected. I’ll put your picture on my blog, I’ll start a contest — yes! — a contest to find your new love, your new lover.” He slipped the smooth, white length lovingly between his lips. “We’ll marry you off soon, I promise.”

    And now, Mike Davidson, the jig is up. I know who you are, and I know that you have her. God knows, I love her too. I didn’t realize it, really, until she was gone. But she’s mine, and you know it — and so now, give her back. That iPod is mine!

  42. Brian says:

    Mike Moscow is a liar.

    Yes he was pimping, he was drunk and he slapped his bitch. However it was an i-pod he stole from me. He claims it was payment for services rendered but I was just asking for directions, I swear.

    I pulled up next to this woman and asked for directions, she said she had nothing going on and was heading that way anyway so she would just ride with me. When we reached our destination she jumped out of the car and started yelling, “You better pay me baby or Mr. Moscow isn’t going to be happy.”

    WHAT? Pay you for directions? She started shouting and this guy with a fur coat walks up and asks for payment. As we shouted back and forth he paused for a moment and said, “Hey what song is that playing? That song is from the Apple commercial isn’t it? I can never figure out who that is.” I replied it is the Caesers, Jerk it out.

    He reached into my car and ripped the i-pod from its holder. We struggled some and it flew out of his hand and thats when everything started moving in slow motion. We watched it float through the air and land in the back of a pick up truck and it drove away.

    Mike then slapped his bitch — without an i-pod in hand as he so boldly claims.

  43. Here’s my entry.

    Thieves steal iPod shuffle from old lady.

    APPLELAND, BIGBUNS — Late Tuesday afternoon, an old lady, Anne Tony, was reportedly held up by two thieves demanding her to hand over her iPod shuffle. The thieves were said to be armed with a half eaten popsicle stick and a tube of toothpaste.

    After an unsuccessful attempt to strangle the two thieves with iPod headphones, the old lady attempted to run away, only to trip on her headphones. The two robbers then chased after the old lady, and then threatened to “shuffle up” her songs, soon after they said that, she gave way and surrendered her iPod shuffle.

    The horrified lady ran to a local police station and reported the theft. The local chief police officer said that iPods thefts are getting more and more common.

    “I’ve being saying it time and time again, and I’m not going to say it again, if you’re going to go out with your iPod, refrain from using the white head phones. They’re an easy target for thieves. iPod shuffles are all the rage right now, even I’m giving them out.” said Constable Mike Davidson.

    The thieves were last seen running away yesterday at 6:00pm, listening to You’ll be my love. Nearby witnesses said one of the thieves was wearing a black t-shirt and pink shorts.

    “All I want is to have my iPod shuffle back” said a clearly distressed Anne Tony yesterday.

    Anyone who knows the whereabouts of the iPod shuffle or any information on the thieves are asked to call Constable Mike Davidson, the chief of the Stolen Teacups, Undergarments, Pots and iPods Division (STUPID).

    Read the full formatted version here

  44. Derek says:

    Where do I begin? I was listening to my Shuffle like any other day after class. I was walking back towards downtown when a friend pulled up beside me offering a ride. I didn’t hesitate to jump in. Now my Shuffle is conveniently clipped to my messenger bag. I used the second USB cap (with the lanyard) and made a makeshift clip using a caribiner and a piece of metal. I figured out later that swinging my bag around to my chest this one time forced the Shuffle to disengage itself from the USB cap. That or I managed to slam the door shut on the thing. Anyway, as soon as my friend pulled up to the house and I stepped out the car, I noticed that my earphones were surprisingly light. Lighter then usual. I looked down and to my horror realized that my Shuffle was no longer attached to the other end. I searched frantically underneath the car and between the car seat and the door and came up with nothing. The idea that I had dropped it somewhere near school began to materialize and settle in. I figured it was long gone and someone had kindly taken the initiative to call it their own.

    Surprisingly the next day as I walked from the bus stop towards school I passed by the same corner that I was picked up on the previous day. Much to my surprise, my shiny albeit minorly scuffed white Shuffle was laying innocently by the curb. Partly hidden by an empty bag of Lay’s chips. Fortunately I still had my earphones in my bag. I no longer clip my Shuffle to my bag and prefer carrying it safely in my hand or tucked deeply into my pant pockets. I’m sure there will be some non-believers wondering why no one picked it up.. I’m taking summer courses at a local community college (explains the lack of students on the street) and the street that I was picked up on is rarely travelled by foot or vehicle.

  45. hao2lian says:

    Her name was sandy. Tall gal, blonde, with a look that could penetrate steel. She cantered into my office one day. It was a shame. I was going to go have a hard stiff drink with the guys, but that’s the life of a private eye. “Are you Detective Joe?” she asked. I nodded beneath my angled fedora, in a smoke-filled office filled with nothing but a desk and two hard chair, the desk for me to place my work and drinks on, and the hard chairs they were here when I came in. “I got a case for you, dick. My old man’s been murdered and I wanna know why.” “You came to the right place, ma’am. Spill.” She spilled. It was an intruiging case, there was no doubt about that. Her old man had been murdered. Some deadbeat found in some deadbeat alley, a fitting way to go. Something about her story didn’t match up though. Maybe it a glint off her steely eyes or maybe it was the casual way she described her father’s death, but this blonde was up to something. What could a private eye do? I hit the old joints, drank the drinks, contacted some contacts. It was right. The story didn’t add up. That gal was the only inheritor to her father’s money; that old deadbeat wasn’t a deadbeat at all. Some rich dude down in the non-smoking section of the town. I knew what had happened. It all made sense now. I drove back to the office.

    I flung open my office’s closet and found an iPod Shuffle. It was blue with fur, and it supported dialing the volume all the way up to eleven.

  46. Kjell says:

    I really don’t know what happened to her – sometimes kids just grow up so fast… The last thing I remember was her taking her first steps, her first day wearing headphones… All the sudden she claims she can grow up without us and runs off with a big silver archos!

    I tried the police, but they said there wasn’t anything they could do, leaving me and my husband alone to worry. We’ve tried to carry on with our lives, but things are just too predictable now that our little shuffy is gone. It’s heartbreaking to wake up in the morning and think that she could have fallen into human hands, or worse.

    Whatever you can do for us, we would appreciate it immensely, she wouldn’t even let us copy her contents before she left.

  47. iPod Shuffle Missing in Action
    It was last seen as I guzzled a Vendi Mocha Frappuccino at Starbucks, two blocks down the corner from the original. I removed my head phones, scratched out some ear wax, realized I was late for a 2:00 meeting, and forgot my iPod Shuffle on the table. The music in the Shuffle is very distinctive, enough heavy metal to blow out your eardrum. I have already been through three pairs of head phones (now equipped with Etymotic ER-6i earbuds). I probably only have five more years of hearing left, and I want to make it count.

    Still sleepless in Seattle,
    Haywood Jafindit

  48. Jonah Cosley says:

    High in the himalayas a number of years ago I arrived on a small plateau just as dusk was setting in. I set up camp for the night and fell asleep — then some hours later I was awakened by a soft whirring sound and light. At first I thought it was daylight, but when I opened my eyes I could see lights of all colors shining through the covering of my tent. This was a UFO! I hadn’t heard of such things at the time, and since I had been out of touch with the world at large for some years this strange aircraft simply seemed to me the next in a long line of strange human aircraft. “The more things change, the more they stay the same,” I thought; or as the French have it, “Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.”

    The people who came out looked a little different than I remembered humans looking, but I have never really trusted my memory anyway. We talked for a while about the weather, the natural beauty of the mountains, this and that. Eventually the subject got around to rhythym, and music. All things in life have rhythym. Between the rising and setting of the sun there are a thousand moments of rest and activity. Even in the bark of a tree, seemingly silent, we feel crests and troughs — this is rhythym also, the vibration of life expressing itself.

    They gave me this instrument. They didn’t call it an iPod Shuffle, but the name isn’t important. As for identifying it — here goes:

    “Otherwordly in appearance, the iPod Shuffle is a superb traveling companion. It is quiet when you feel also to be quiet. When you desire inspiration, it becomes a one piece band; contained in it are all the instruments of the universe. It is unpredictable, ever-new, flowing from one movement into another effortlessly — and so every listening session is a unique and enjoyable experience.”

    That’s how I remember it. As for how it got lost, I simply assumed that it was seized by wanderlust and wished to wander off in search of a new audience. It seemed to fit its personality. Yet now I remember, looking at that photograph, that it had no way of moving by itself. Therefore I must have lost it, probably in that avalanche a year ago. Over time the melting snow would have carried it down the Ganges into the hands of a ready civilization.

    In any case I feel that it is important not be attached. One must be philosophical about these things.

  49. John Whittet says:

    My entry can be found: here. I hope you enjoy!

    (Note: I already spotted one problem between my developmental version and the final JPEG, so this may change up until the deadline.)

  50. Hi!

    Here’s my entry; short story in seven little parts:

    I hope you like it!


  51. Frustrated says:

    well seeing as once again someone has stepped forward with convienent resources such as a webpage and blown the competition away with it. I don’t find it fair that one person can totally shut down the rest of the competition with one entry that utilizes resources that they are lucky to have. Besides your entry says “who successfully reveals it in the comments”. Basically what i’m trying to say that its unfair that the people who have taken the time and effort to write a story shouldn’t be shut down by someone who has access to making their own webpage. Afterall the contest is story writing and not comic creating.

    In future contests maybe you can consider defining the entry rules a little clearer so its fair.

  52. John Whittet says:

    Well this whole series of contests is about thinking outside the box. I would say that the winners in the past tend to be the most “creative” entries, and sometimes they’re even the best. Honestly, who knows what Mike is looking for.

    You also have to remember that time and effort reflect the most on whatever entry you share here. A slapdash web site isn’t going to beat a Pulitzer-prize-winning novel.

    Finally, you have to remember that everyone has different resources and skillsets at their disposal, webspace being a very basic commodity. There are free hosts, and I’m sure Mike would consider temporarily hosting your work. Honestly, if anyone isn’t working on an entry for this contest simply because they don’t have webspace, let me know and I’ll lend you a little room on my server.

    And again, this particular contest is about telling a story, not writing one. We could see a series of photos, a stop-frame movie starring GI Joes, or even a Flash game.

  53. After reading quite a few of these stories, I made it down to comment #50 thinking “will anyone come up with a website or graphical design of some sort for this one?”

    Sure enough, Paul Santolaria has a fantastic approach to giveaway #4. If you haven’t seen it yet, I urge you to check it out.

    The rest of us don’t have a chance in lost iPod hell.

  54. Sean Sperte says:


    What is my entry, chopped liver? ;)

    Apparently being at the top isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. My entry (number 2) included a website link (with videos!) but is somehow going unnoticed.

  55. How do you explain the loss of something so precious? You can’t. It can’t be done. It, perfect in it’s pearl-like iridescence, gave to me the few moments of solitary escape needed by an unlucky artist, verbal revolutionary, if you will, disguised in the dark haired, greasy, gangly body of a pizza delivery boy. Let’s face it, no dignity in that title is there, but anyway…

    There I was wandering; valiantly pondering the tactics in which I planned to skip the last hour of my shift, towards number 1722. The hall, dark and damp, a light flickering with a few dumb moths spinning around the naked bulb, was hardly breaking my trance. And there, wrapped around my neck with comforting versatility was my trusty electronic abandon. The pizza, slightly cold, and let’s face it complete shit on a platter (that 30 minutes promise really knocks the value if you ask me) was balancing on my palm like a sacrificial offering. The Clash’s “London’s Calling” was blaring in my head, and who knows what would pulsate through me next, the anticipation keeping me on edge(some Miles Davis, or the embarrassing bubblegum pop I keep secret on my precious little rectangle of refuge, God knows I hope you won’t destroy me with what you heard when you found my technologic DJ).

    It was moments away, pizza would be delivered within 27 and a half minutes, a record, and my plan fully formulated for slacking. But then it happened, from out of nowhere a hand pulled me to the left, ripping from my neck the only thing I value in my life. The disc shaped sewage slipped from my hand and my shaggy head slammed the wall with a strangely rhythmic thud-thud.

    When I awakened, head throbbing, pants around my waist, I realized what had happened. I had been violated, no not the way every average greasy kid dreams of, but my dignity, encapsulated in the minuscule perfection of an i-pod shuffle, had been robbed from me. How it came into your hand Mike, I’ll never know, but I beg you that you see me as its rightful owner. It’s the weight of a key, but its holds my sanity inside it.

  56. Mike D. says:

    Wow, some great entries so far!

    In response to the question/issue about what form these submissions should take, John Whittet is absolutely correct. Anything goes. And a poorly thought out entry which happens to make use of more technology will never beat a more creative (yet possibly simpler) piece.

    If you look at the past three winners of these competitions, each won for different reasons. Davin’s food sculptures were simply the most artistically dominating submissions of the bunch. Craig’s Bigfoot video was the most original submission, with most entries being variations done in Photoshop. And Charlie’s iContact was not a particularly polished video composition, but it really hit the right note with its relevance to the NASA Deep Impact project and also just its general coolness.

  57. Steve says:

    From: “Dr Emman Usman”
    To: MikeD@mac.com
    Subject: asisstance business



    Dear sir,

    I am DR. EMMAN USMA, the head of Treasury Department with the Union Bank of Nigeria Plc. (Union Bank Headquarters) Union House,Lagos — Nigeria.

    It is with belief and trust that I send you this obvious and sensitive business proposal to enable me and my colleagues remit the sum of USD$20.5 Million (Twenty Million, Five hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only) into your account.

    This amount belongs to ENGR. WOLF GANG ANDERSON from Sweden an operation account number 0130648335800 an expatriate with (STRABAG NIGERIA PLC.) and has been operating it since the past 14 years (fourteen years) until November 7th 1996 when he died as a result of plane crash of ADC Airline with the flight number being 747 from Port Harcourt, River State to Lagos at the Ejiri River near Lagos where the incident happened.

    Meanwhile, the total sum in the account is now USD$24 Million (Twenty Four Million United States Dollars Only). USD$24 Million was the total sum, USD$20.5 Million amount to be withdrawn, USD$3.5 Million Banks commission interest.

    Now we have financially agreed, my colleagues and I to arrange with you a as a reliable foreign partner who will assist us by claiming to be the next of kin to the account owner who died in plane crash. The entire ground work would be carried out by us. We are contacting you because by law, we are pre-cluded from operating any foreign bank account while in service.

    If it interests you to assist, please feel free to contact me through the above email addresses for the attention of DR. EMMAN USMAN.

    A. Total sum with account = USD$24 Million
    B. Amount to be withdrawn = USD$20.5 Million
    C. Myself and my colleagues = USD$12 Million
    D. Account holder (That’s you) = USD$7Million
    E. Incidential expenses = USD$1.5 Million
    F. Banks commission interest = USD$3.5 Million.

    All that is required of you is to send us the iPod shuffle which belonged to ENGR. WOLF GANG ANDERSON as proof of your next of kin status.

    Thanking you for you kind co-operation and remain blessed as we look forward to hearing from you soonest.

    My sincere regard to you.
    Best regards,

    Head of Treasury Dept.
    Union Bank of Nigeria Plc.

  58. frustrated says:

    i’m so jealous of you Whittet with your fancy artistic abilities. And Paul with his clever mystery…….hmmm…..i wish i could do that…….oh well sorry for the complaint……i guess i need to get outside the box with next months entry….maybe i’ll put some more time into next months to make something spectacular….maybe….

  59. John D. says:

    The rest of us don’t have a chance in lost iPod hell.

    Speaking of hell, after loosing my shuffle, and experiencing some of the worst depression in my life. I was awakened in the middle of the night by an angelic guide who made me rise and whisked me away on an awful tour of lost iPod Hell.

    The full story can be found here.

  60. John D. says:

    Please pardon the typo..


    Note to self: Spell check doesn’t fix homophones.

  61. Jason R says:

    The day I lost my shuffle was odd. It started on the way to work. I was just putting the shuffle into my shirt pocket and I hurried to the bus. I fumbled and dropped it and then accidentally kicked it forward as I walked toward the bus. The tiny white stick flew out to the side of me and landed on the grass. It was promptly picked up in the beak of a magpie, which flew away with it.

    “Damn,” I thought. But before I could start swearing at the bird it gave a strange croak and fell to the ground, the iPod clenched in its now lifeless beak, just ahead of me. “That’s odd,” I thought as I removed my music from his beak.

    Still thinking about the bird, I was distracted as I got on the bus. I was half way to the back of the bus when I realised I’d set the shuffle down on the small bench next to the driver when I’d payed for my ticket and that I’d left it there. I turned to retrieve it and saw the man who had got on after me walking back towards holding the shuffle out to me. A sudden burst of acceleration from the bus threw him off his feet and straight into a pole. The shuffle flew from his hand and dropped at my feet. It was quite messy, the man had hit the pole with his nose and by the look of the bloody mess in the middle of his face, he had broken it to. I tried to help him but he just backed away from me whimpering and got off at the next stop. “That’s odd,” I thought.

    At work I was having a productive day when I realised I had lost my shuffle again. I thought back on when I had last used it and thought I must have left it next to the printer when a work colleague came into my office, looking quite unwell and handed it to me. “This must be yours,” she said and then promptly vomited violently into my waste paper bin. I jumped up to help her but she just said “No, no, no!” and ran from the office. “That’s odd,” I thought.

    At lunch the slippery little shuffle must have fallen from my pocket. “That’s odd,” I thought as I passed the paramedics giving cardio shocks to the waitress who had handed it back to me ten minutes before. I also thought “That’s odd,” when the dog that grabbed it from me in the park was promptly mauled by two others.

    Sometime, that afternoon as I was mailing reports to clients around the world, I lost my shock again. I expected it to turn up sooner or later but it didn’t. Until now that is.

  62. Mark Wubben says:

    I lost it. Damn. It took me a full 0.5 microseconds to realize it was gone. As if it had evaporated in plain sight. I should have known it would happen one day, but I didn’t. And now the pain is unbearable.

    It happened in the new high-speed train between Amsterdam and Paris. I had been visiting some relatives back in Holland and was now on my way home. Home, for me, is a small apartment in a large building near a now tiny Eiffel tower. I remember the days when the Eiffel tower seemed to rise above the city, a magnificent display of French pride. Unfortunately those days have been lost.

    No, today’s world is different. It’s a world driven by technology, and cost-effectiveness. But yet it’s a world with magic, a world where the unexplainable still happens. Like it did today.

    When I entered the train I could feel the magic. I was listening, intently, and looking around, somewhat foolishly. There was a girl at the other end of the cabin, staring straight ahead, not distracted by my entrance, as if she was both deaf and blind. I studied her for a while, fascinated by her silent composure. As the train started to move, I sat down. An old song protruded my mind. A manifest, by some long gone Canadian band. It seemed fitting.

    And then, nothing. Poof, the music had disappeared. Slightly startled I searched my bag, thinking that’s where I had put it. Nothing there. I patted my jacket, not there either. It had disappeared, along with the music. And as I looked up, I noticed the cabin was empty.

    The girl had disappeared as well.


  63. Thanks so much Mike! It’s been hard living without my shuffle, Flit, but I’m glad to see you found him!

    It shouldn’t be hard to identify him. He’s a regular blogger and he keeps all his blog entries in his flash memory. You can listen to them for yourself or just read his blog:


    Looking forward to being reunited!


  64. The Mysterious Mr. K. says:

    Dear Mike,
    You can read the following paragraphs in any order. (She would want it that way.)

    A NOTE OF CAUTION — If that pig Brad Kneoffni contacts you, DO NOT TRUST HIM. He was my manager at Delicious Apple Grille, and I can tell you for a FACT he was absolutely never in possession of my beloved ipod shuffle. I’m telling you this because he might try to fool you into thinking that my dear ipod, in fact, belongs to him. He’s always been jealous of my precious. That’s why, on that fateful Tuesday, he did what he did.

    I’M WRITING, forgive me for not saying sooner, I’m writing because you have my ipod Shuffle. Please send it back to me. My heart burns like a thousand G5s for the screenless beauty of my one true love. We cannot be apart for another second of musicless agony. Thank you so very much.

    DETAILED ACCOUNT, part blue: I still remember that fateful Tuesday, when I first discovered Shuffle was lost. It was 3:34pm and 12 seconds when I spotted the angelic figure of my ipod shuffle, floating and melting in a deep vat of boiling oil. I don’t know how it happened, but I DO know who did it: the despicable Brad Kneoffni. If it takes the rest of my life, I will see that he pays.

    EVER SINCE MY IPOD’S BEEN GONE, I’ve been trying to live ‘in the moment’, like she taught me. But it’s hard. It was so easy, when she was around. I remember this one time, I was walking with her, and Shuffle started playing Brazil. So, we decided to start walking to Brazil. We didn’t get very far.

    DETAILED ACCOUNT, part yellow: I still remember that fateful Wednesday, when (between the times of 6:55 pm and 55 seconds, and 7:05 and 3 seconds) I buried Shuffle under her favorite apple tree. As I covered her twisted and charred body with cold earth, I couldn’t help but cry. I imagined what song she might play, if she were alive to play at her funeral. Danny Boy? Nah — that’d be too predictable, and far too appropriate to the occasion. Knowing her, she’d probably play…the can-can.

    MIKE — It’s 2:12 am and 15 seconds, and I’m writing with hands that are still covered with the dirt of my ipod’s empty grave. It’s the morning after that melancholy Saturday when everything was explained to me. It was explained that the electronic heart of my beloved began beating once more…in the secret undersea alcoves of the noble, and fairly technologically advanced, Planarstysnmatal people. They had stolen Shuffle from under the apple tree and, using their undersea-volcano-powered equipment, they reforged her. And taught her the ancient art of setadanadangalandgo. And gave her the name ‘plang plang’. And filled her drive with their strange kelp-worshipping chants.

    IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE MY STORY, get a sledgehammer and destroy my beloved Shuff…err, Plang Plang, immediately. Don’t worry about killing her…she’s been dead before. You CAN’T allow yourself to be swayed by stories from anyone else. We cannot risk my ipod falling into the evil hands of Brad Kneoffni. He’s SICK. At 10:35am and 15 seconds on Wednesday (1 week, 19 hours, 1 minute, 3 seconds after the incident), as I was cleaning out my locker, I noticed he had put a stick of gum in the spot where my ipod once laid. I don’t have any proof, but I know it was he who did it. Just like I know he was the one who stole my ipod, just like I know he was the one who………you know.

    DETAILED ACCOUNT, part light green. It was 4:55 pm and 33 seconds (6 days, 1 hour, 21 minutes and 12 seconds after the incident) when Shuffle (or rather Plang Plang) explained everything to me. On that particular melancholy Saturday, as I stared at that mound of dirt under the apple tree…a faint, creepy, electronic voice began whispering in my ear. It said: ‘I am Plang Plang, formerly known as Shuffle, and I am your ipod Shuffle. I am speaking to you with the ancient art of setadanadangalandgo, a form of telepathy. Remain calm. I will explain everything to you….”

    THERE IS NO, I repeat NO reason to involve the police in this matter. Just do what the Planarstysnmatals chose you to do when they sent you Plang Plang, and send my ipod to me immediately. If the government ever gets its hands on my beloved Plang Plang, they’ll experiment on her mercilessly. And we can’t allow that to happen.


    I STILL REMEMBER the last time I saw my precious ipod alive. At 6:27am and 5 seconds on that fateful Tuesday, I cut off a fantastic mambo beat and carefully shoved Shuffle into my locker. That was the last time I ever beheld her beautiful, snow white skin. (At 12:12pm and 12 seconds I did go to my locker again, to grab my stick of gum…but then I couldn’t see her or anything else, because during lunch I had randomly decided to squirt hot sauce in my eyes.)

    PROOF — you want it, don’t you? You want definitive proof that the ipod you have is, in fact mine. Well, Just ask Plang Plang. Don’t try to use the high art of setadanadangalandgo with her, that’s too advanced for you (I can’t even speak to her with that technique, she can only speak to me). Use the low art of music-code-unlocking instead. Just ask her a question, and then have her play 3 1/2 songs at random. The songs will have a hidden meaning that you will have to unlock. Ask her who owns her. She’ll tell you. She’ll tell you I own her…and not Brad Knoeffni. Not Brad Knoeffni. Not Brad Knoeffni.

    DETAILED ACCOUNT, part silver. It was one week after the incident when Brad Knoeffni’s jealousy and shuffle-lust finally overtook him. Destroying my ipod wasn’t enough for him…he had to get rid of the person who’s grieving reminded him that he didn’t have an ipod worth grieving over. So, at 10:00 am and 15 seconds on Wednesday, he called me into his office and fired me. I thought it might be because he discovered, at 3:33 and 52 seconds on the fateful Tuesday of the incident, a stick of gum fell out of my pocket and into a deep fat fryer. But he told me he was firing me because of SHUFFLE. He said I destroyed it. He said I was ‘stealing’. He said a lot of things. Then, he showed me a picture of my beloved ipod’s mangled corpse. ‘I DIDN’T DO THAT!’ I screamed. ‘YOU DID!’ But he didn’t listen. So I punched him. It hurt me about as much as the time I reached into a deep fat fryer to save my one true love, but I didn’t care. I live in the moment, that’s what Shuffle taught me to do.

    WILL YOU TELL PLANG PLANG That I love her? And will you also tell her that I’ve had another strange dream? Plang Plang is really good at interpreting dreams. Here it is: there’s a tree full of 200GB ipods with holographic displays…they’re all just like the ipod that that nasty Brad Knoeffni has. In the dream, I pick an ipod off the tree, and look at it. A bright, red apple appears on its holographic display. The apple starts dripping blood. The blood starts laughing.

  65. smorum says:

    How should I know ??? It’s just gone ….

    If I knew where I’d lost I would go get it back …

  66. Martina H. says:

    My son’s name is Roy,
    he’s just a little boy.
    Last Christmas he wrote to Santa,
    every day the same small mantra.

    “All I want this year,
    an i-pod I would hold so dear.
    This gadget I so covet,
    you know how much I’d love it.”

    Christmas morning came,
    packages with his name.
    Grabbing under the tree.
    “where could my i-pod be?”

    Sledding all over the land,
    i-pod bouncing in his hand.
    Now you surely see,
    it’s how the Shuffle came to be.

    Santa lost it in his haste,
    he really had no time to waste.
    That shuffle was for my lad,
    who still is very sad.

    No i-pod for him here,
    his birthday very near.
    It really would make his day,
    please send it back this way.

  67. jme says:

    guys, im searching to find my brothers ipod shuffle i lost, i believe its the one your talking about it in this webpage, he lent to me for my train journey back to university for graduation, took me about 4 days to relized i had lost it, he is really mad at me , i would be very grateful if i could have it back please, you wouldnt be just helping me to recover a lost item but bringing to brothers back together, awh

    thanks for your time


  68. Sharan says:

    It all started on Monday morning when i set out to have a look at my farm fields in nothern karnataka .Listenining to my ipod on route lata had an upset stomach and kept shittin all over the place good anyway more manurefor the farm
    Just about half way through my rounds i noticed 3 of my labourers takin a nap while they was supposed to be planting wheat with my temper flaring to an all new high i sent an e-mail from my laptop to the farmers union immediately using my outlook express ,network unreachble is what i saw on the screen .This raised my temper to an all new high .I then proceeded to tell my darling lata “pechay pecheay pyary lata signal pakad ne hai” (Hindi – English =”go backwards my love i have to catch my signal ” ) as she gently backed her humungous backside i started to catch the sinal for my wi – fi( wireless fidelity ) for my laptop .”rook signal mil gai” (Hindi – English =”stop i got the signal”).Just as i caught the signal a mouse appeard from out of no where lata as u must know is very frightened of mouses and she started moving violently swaying from here to there scaring the labourers also it was at this time that my ipod shuffel fell in bitween some thick bushes along with my laptop.
    that is how i lost my ipod along with my laptop.
    PS by the way did i mention lata is on fo the three elephants i have at my farm in nothern karnataka India

  69. Ginaric says:

    Lost Shuffle

    Mike Davidson is currently running the 4th in a series of I-pod giveaways. The contest (From Mike’s website): I found an iPod Shuffle. In order to claim it, you must identify it and tell me precisely how you lost it….

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