Join The Industry’s Trash-Talkingest Football League

It’s fantasy football time again, and this year, we’re expanding the Industry Know-Nothings League (IKNFL) to a whopping 26 people. That’s 260 fingers worth of trash-talking… or trash-typing, as it were. The good news is that we have exactly ONE spot up for grabs, and now is your chance to win it. First there are some things you should know about the league:

  1. Don’t join if you don’t know football. We already have one of those and it’s a bit aggravating to hear cries of desperation throughout the entire season, and even during the draft.
  2. This is a $40 buy-in league with weekly payouts and end-of-the-year payouts, so please make sure your religion doesn’t frown on gambling before joining.
  3. We draft offensive and defensive players and the scoring is fairly normalized so that every player on the field can make an impact.
  4. We will be drafting live, online, in a couple of weeks.

So there you have it. If you’d like to claim the final spot, you need only do one thing: Write a haiku about Croftie (pictured to the right), who was the winner of last year’s league. Post your haikus in the comments. The league will pick a winner on Wednesday, August 9th.

UPDATE: Despite a collection of some of the worst haikus ever written, the league has spoken. Welcome Dan Rubin! Welcome to your doom… (cue Altered Best sound effects)

Thank you to everyone who submitted a haiku. I’m sure we’ll have a spot or two left next year.

31 comments on “Join The Industry’s Trash-Talkingest Football League”. Leave your own?
  1. My vote for special consideration will be given to the potential owner who purchases the most crap from IconBuffet.

  2. Jeff Croft says:

    Oh no you didn’t! You will pay, my friend.


  3. Bradley says:

    Oh no you didn’t
    I will have you by the balls
    You will pay, my friend

    I don’t know anything about football. Count me out. :)

  4. Dave says:

    am i really cool
    in pottery barn milieu?
    in spite of the blue

  5. josh says:

    newsvine employees
    may not be eligible
    to participate

  6. My triumphs run.
    In the year to come.
    I crush you.

  7. Tom Dolan says:

    The Kraft as Croft —
    Champions wear blue.
    Pain, so good.

  8. Sean Madden says:

    You know what everyone, don’t join. I’m going to take your $40 anyway. You’d be better off going to the movies, getting popcorn you normally don’t buy because it’s too expensive, and enjoying your two hours alone than getting dragged all over the field.

    Oh, and if you join this league, then you should definitely try to draft Robert Mathis as soon as possible.

  9. Tom Watson says:

    Right, so with Sean in the league we’re all supposed to cower from his daunting intellect and pasty noodle arms.

  10. Andrei says:

    We will be drafting live, online, in a couple of weeks.

    One would have thought you would have learned the simple lesson of how much crap that ESPN flash application is by now. In fact, I think that drafting app was the basis for Nielsen’s Flash is 99% Bad article, even though Nielsen wrote that article some six friggin years prior to that draft application’s existence.

    Can we please just do an email draft? I’d really prefer to prove how little I know about the game with a starting lineup that I at least picked myself.

    And spare me the traffic. I’d prefer to see you spend your precious time making sure stories like this one stop appearing as Top Seeds on Newsvine fer crissake.

    Also…in case anyone who is even thinking about joining the IKNFL, be sure to listen to this. It’ll give you a taste of what you can expect.

  11. Eric Meyer says:

    Croftie is top dog
    Fantasy football champion:
    Makes Davidson cry.

    Andrei bashes Flash
    Drafting tool and Jakob Nielsen
    Plus Newsvine’s Top Seeds.

    Lets leaders in the field of web
    Avoid doing work.

    I don’t know football
    Either, so count me out. I just
    Can’t resist haikus!

  12. Brian Ford says:

    Django Django Boobs.
    Django Django Boobs Django.
    Django Django Free.

    I also know little of this sport which you call football.

  13. Dave Simon says:

    The Champ stares me down
    Stroking his chinny chin chin
    Too bad I’ll pwn him

    I work from home and I’m not too ashamed to say I mainline the NFL Network during the season. Bring it on!

  14. Dan Rubin says:

    OK, you asked for it. Let’s just keep in mind that you should let me in no matter what, because I’m, well, cool… and some of these aren’t about Croftie, but I had to post them anyway :)

    Mine is the best hai-
    ku you’ll ever see about
    Croft of Django

    Football and standards,
    What a wonderful pairing;
    Promise I won’t win…

    Didier played once;
    Didn’t know football at all,
    thought it was soccer.

    Jeff Croft loves football
    just enough to bet on it;
    He won’t win this year.

    Feel my haiku-fu,
    Stronger than any other;
    Croft: you’re going down this time.

    This haiku would be
    prettier with sIFR but
    comments don’t allow

    Jeff Croft won last year;
    Davidson wasn’t happy.
    This time, gloves are off.

  15. Dan Rubin says:

    Oh crap, #5 my count was off. Proofread, damnit!

    #5 (revised)
    Feel my haiku-fu,
    Stronger than any other;
    Croft: you’re going down.

    And to make up for my faux-pas:

    #8 (bonus)
    Haiku is simple:
    Five, seven, five is the way;
    Guess I can’t count properly anymore…

  16. Kevin Hamm says:

    Haiku this is not
    Croft prefers accuracy
    It’s called Senryu

    When thinking about
    Prosperity in life’s game
    always choose football

  17. Matt says:

    Stick to web design
    Django can’t pick draft picks
    well, not yet at least

  18. Andrei says:

    You pleebs ain’t ever gonna pass with this nerdy crap. Here’s how it works:

    I’ve got a secret.
    My balls are breathing freely!
    Let’s hug it out, bitch.

  19. Matt says:

    Crap, it’s jan-go, not d-jan-go, huh? Let’s try this.

    Stick to web design
    Django can’t choose your draft picks
    well, not yet at least

  20. Dan Rubin says:

    Ah, good point Matt — thus, here’s a needed revision:

    #1 (revised)
    Mine is the best hai-
    ku you’ll ever see about
    Sir Croft of Django

  21. Hmm.. Dan, you may be considered like those Italian footy teams and start with negative points due to your association with Didier. I’d pump out more Haikooos to get outta the hole if I were you…

  22. Meh, a double post for clarity: “you may be handled like one of those match fixing Italian footy teams

  23. Dan Rubin says:

    Touché, Mike.

    #9 (Didier special)
    Mike thinks Didier’s
    a factor in this contest;
    Italians be damned

  24. Between his tech toys
    and flaunting flickr honeys
    Croft found time to win?

  25. Dave Simon says:

    The pigskin challenge is on
    Man I love football

  26. Simon says:

    On Messr Croft:

        sweater of triumph
    now the blue garb of defeat
        jeff is going down

    On the inevitable:

       here's my forty bucks
    as the Bus said to the 'hawks
        your arses are mine
  27. Josh Byers says:

    Coftie was crafty
    While adorned in Charger blue.
    Kicker, he picks first

    I hear Billy Cundiff is due for a breakout year. Better grab him early…

  28. Dan Rubin says:

    OK, I’ll try to sneak one more in before ‘the drop’… though I just know someone’s building a Croft Haiku Automatic Comment Poster that’ll be up and running right before you guys vote…

    Final Offer
    My haiku skills wane
    As the deadline looms closer;
    Blue sweater haunts me…

  29. Brian Ford says:

    Dan is lucky I ruled myself out by admitting my ignorance of the foozeball, because my Haiku kicked ass — in an accurate sort of way.


  30. Dan Rubin says:

    What no one realizes is how unlucky I am to have been selected…

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